Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Forget Me Not

Renee and Josephine and baby Domenic

I am thinking of you, my beloved Renee. I miss you fiercely. My time with you has been one of the richest in my life. It has been much too short, but I am grateful for every single second. Thank you for making a home for me in your heart and for taking up residence in mine. Thank you for showing me how to love openly and honestly. In the past year alone, I must have said, 'I love you,' to more people, more times than in all my years combined. Thank you for extending your hand and offering me comfort and wisdom when I was confused and distraught. Thank you for making me simultaneously burst out in laughter and blush as we speed-tagged through comments. I miss your sharp and quick wit. I miss your har hars.

Last year, you described how you and Josephine pretended to flit and fly like butterflies on the lawn. How I loved that image. That is how you live in my mind now. Not sick, battling bats or lying in a hospital bed. In my mind, you are free and happy and oh so full of love.

Do not forget me, my dearest. Save me a seat next to you, and I shall come find you. I always do. Ces will join us, and we shall have a riotous time and probably get kicked out the pearly gates for being too bawdy. But we won't care, because we will be having the best time, and then they will have to let us back in because you are the best angel and the life of the party.

I love you, darling Renee. Forever and always.

87 comments:

Ces said...

OMG. This is so beautiful. I have to come back. I love Renee. I love you.
This is so beautiful. So true.

Marie S said...

Oh my dear Bella you have such a way with words and pencils. This is one of the best and most fitting images of Renee ever.
Thank you so much for this.
I love Renee.
I love you Bella.
This make me sob with grief and smile so big at the same time.

Amalia K said...

Goodness, Bella! This is probably the most heart warming post I've ever read...ever! I can't help but understand how you and Ces feel because my best friend in the whole world passed on the same way Renee did :(

And I believe that friendships like yours will always live on, no matter what. Because mine still does. GBU xx

. said...

Emotive words, i love the little angel and this wonderful scene. Hugs.

Arija said...

Oh Bella, you and Ces and Renee, the triumvirate, will ever live in my heart as an unseparable unit. Somehow I always think of you as my terrible triplets, egging each other on to greater heights, laughing through thick and thin and always so supportive of each other.
Renee may no longer comment on your blogs, but belive you me, she will always be there looking out for you.

Love XOXOXOXOX Arija

kathy hare said...

a beautiful tribute Bella.. xxx

Janine said...

Dear Bella, reading that realy made me cry.
I do not know ReneƩ, but she must be the most remarkable person, when she can plant the seed of love in so many peoples hearts. I know that so many people love her deeply. I love that painting you made.
It is a wonderful tp imagine that the ones we love are free to fly.
I am so sad for you all.
Hugs
Janine

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

I know that Renee is smiling from ear to ear right now over this!!!! How deliciously sweet and honorable. One day the three friends will be together once again. Your words are like oil and wine for the wound of the lost. You, Renee and Ces have been such a wonderful example of sisterhood and friendship. Some say that you can't have all of this from a blog relationship. I would tell them to their faces that they are wrong, wrong, WRONG! You can have this and more. Thanks for sharing your wonderful words with all of us and giving us the chance to peek into You, Renee and Ces's relationship. It's truly magical Bella. More than you know. As Amalia said,"Friendships like yours will always live on no matter what." Not even death can keep you from it. When you write and illustrate your first of many books, I know that I read a dedication that will have two very special names there. Renee and Ces. And it will be very special cause us blogger sisters will remember and smile .
This is all a part of your story. And your story my friend is filled with every kind of emotion. Like paint on a palette. The artist will have many. Some we like and some we hate with passion. Like color of lost and the colors of joy. I love you soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and you know this. Live your best life Bella and keep creating your very special brand of work. You bring many joy with it and I know two people who would want you to keep doing this. Do it for them!
Love you!

theartofpuro said...

Wonderful words for a wonderful illustration!

cindy said...

i didn't know renee, but know she must have been very special to inspire so much love. we all would be very lucky and lived a full life to have something like this written about us when we take the next step in the journey. you are very special, bella. i'm very sorry you lost your dear friend. xo, c

thewillowsnest said...

Awww Bella,, beautiful words .. to accompany a beautiful illustration.. you managed to capture total delight and 'lightness' in this illo.. which showed the magical moment with your friend, who will be looking down at you with such tenderness.
It's always very hard when our 'earth angel' people need to go....
Big Hugs Bella
Love , Helen

Megan Coyle said...

Such a cute illustration - I really like this one :)

aimee said...

i was in tears until i had a vision of you and ces being tossed out your behinds. i do think that could happen. you girls have a knack for stirring up mischief. but you see, renee does too, and she's going to change all of the rules inside those gates and then it's going to be one big funnyfest.

beautifully done and said, my friend.

Diana Evans said...

oh my heavens!!! Bella...this is beautiful...beautiful artwork and a beautiful tribute to our wonderful friend Renee....I love this and know that Renee will love it too...

Bless your heart!!!!

I have always called her my angel and this is just perfect!!!!

Susan said...

Bella, this is unbelievably sweet and beautiful. You and Ces and all the other wonderful friends of Renee have opened up an entire new world to me just this week. Everywhere I go in blogland there are candles and tributes to Renee. I never knew her, I wish I had, but I feel at least I've gotten a small glimpse of the incredible woman she was and is in her new life. The world must be a far, far, better place because she was in it. I can't add too much to what everyone else here has said so beautifully, but your friendship will live on forever. Hugs and peace, Susan

Ces said...

I actually think that Renee and I will already be up there before you. It should be that way for I do not want to keep on trudging down here until I am at an age when I cannot remember where I put underwear on and clothes or not since I won't forget my teeth, I am keeping my natural teeth with me for I will be flashing that great smile on that male angel I had a dream about, the one I made angel love with and then sit next to Pincess Diana. Then Renee will say: "Honest to God Ces, Hardy har har!"

Ces said...

See? Read my comment above I am getting there fast. My vocabulary shows I am losing FPOT power.

Nicky Linzey said...

This is the most wonderful image ever. It says it all Bella. I do not know Renee - she sure has some fantastic friends. Thinking of you too.

laughingwolf said...

wow... thx for another peek at what makes bella, bella... hugglees

~Valentina~ said...

This is so beautiful... I have tears in my eyes right now. Beautiful...

Deborah said...

Bella, this is so lovely. It must must must get on Renee's sidebar with the other art inspired by her. I am sure that you, Renee, and Ces will have to sit just outside the Pearly Gates for oh, say, a week or two, until the saints in charge clean up your language!

Bella, you draw like an angel.
**blows kisses** Deb

linda cardina said...

i am now speechless and weepy....i will be back....''

love u beautiful one!

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

Now that looks just like Renee! Such a beautiful post. She will be so missed... I already miss her humor & wit. You three girls will be the life of the party!

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Bella,

What a precious drawing and tribute to dear Renee.
You have captured her beauty and wonderful spirit.
Love Renee, and love you dear friend.

Hugs
Carolyn

Silke said...

That really says it all, Bella!! So beautiful!! Love, Silke

kj said...

you have made me cry,bella.

and i appreciate that.

renee loves you so totally, deservedly so.

love
kj

clairedulalune said...

Bella, Oh that picture is so Renee! This is a baeutiful post, I miss her very much. She is just the most wonderful lady, just like you Bella!((hugs))

nollyposh said...

Me tOO *tears*

yoborobo said...

Bella - this is the most beautiful and charming picture I have ever seen. It made me cry, in a good and happy way. Thank you for sharing your friendship with Renee with the rest of us. :) Pam

Owl Eng said...

this is very beautiful. it touched my heart. and it made me cry too...

linda cardina said...

OMG! bella this is so very special....wow.... i read it 3x today and cried each time.

many of nights i would lay awake going from renee's place, to ces's and to your place...many hours..back and forth. u three never knew i was around....u were just having the time of your life with eachother. i love u guys, your bantering, your jokes, your love for one another was THEE best entertainment...better than any good book and movie. hehe you three together were SO good, not just 'gut splitting funny", but also SOOOOOO intellegent(the best mental ninjas and writers)and so very loving.. wow what a friendship u all have. don't worry guys u will all have it again someday... we will miss renee but we will SEE her someday... love u bella.
LOVE U RENEE!

Edrian Thomidis said...

I beautiful tribute and a perfect image!

Ces said...

I wish Linda joined us then! She sure was so great with that banana, cigar and finger painting extreme comment exchange! I am laughing so hard now. We should do that with Linda She is a hoot and a half!

yoon see said...

Me too, I feel so sad....
I am thinking of Renee too.
We all love Renee, I also love you Bella....
We love eveyone here.
We are here to encourage one another.

Take care and the sad feeling is sure there but the good memories make us happy again!

Be strong and be strong!

Caroline said...

Dear Bella
I love your tribute to our dear Renee - - how adorable that illustration and how tender those words. Renee would adore this. Caroline x

deepazartz said...

This is so touching, Bella.
Indeed Renee is such a wonderful person. I know her for a short time but the impact she has made with her words and images are gr8 and so have you.

I just can't express how I feel right now....my eyes welled up reading the passages and at the same I was smiling at the image. Mayb thats how I'll remember Renee now on...

Love you Renee, and love you Bella...and I mean it from the bottom of my heart!

Krista said...

So beautiful-- this is really living-- truly loving each other!!

justdoodleit said...

Touching illo full of sincere goodness and warmth. Appreciate the way you translate your emotions!

Itziar San Vicente said...

Beautiful words.

Shannon said...

Thank you for being beautiful you, always.

AtelierBrigitte said...

Beautiful words with this beautiful illustration. I can't imagine how it must be for you to have lost the love in your life. I have never known Renee, but I am sure he is proud of all the things you do.

Shelly said...

Beautiful Bella - I love it, she will love it, Angelique will love it and one day Josephine and Domenic will love it too - thank you, what a beautiful picture depicting their grandmother ... xo

Ces said...

I love you.
I love Renee.
I love the Epsilons.
I love the Viking.
I love Nona and Emma.
I love my sisterfriends.
I love Daisy and Oz and Snowflake.
Oh,
I love peach cobbler.

Patricia said...

Bella, this is beautiful!
A BIG HUG from me XOXO

Jenea said...

...beautifull...

Barbara said...

Such a lovely post, Bella. Love shines out everywhere..in your drawing and in your words. I had not noticed the candle in your sidebar before..it is a very touching sight.

My dearest friend passed away 10 years ago. I miss her every single day.

studio lolo said...

Bella, this is so beautiful. I love the image and your words. I know you were one of Renee's special girls. You deserve to be! Your heart is as big as hers and she knew that right away ;)

My only comfort when the loss comes is that she will be pain free. Now I can picture her as one of the butterflies in your wonderful art. I love that vision!

You're a strong woman Bella. One that I have so much respect for in so many ways.

Peace and blessings~
Lolo

deepazartz said...

Bella, U've been tagged...
I would love to know more about you...hope you will consider yourself tagged:))

Chk it out
http://deepazworld.blogspot.com/2010/02/being-tagged.html

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

OOOOh Bella girl, I have had enough snow to last me the rest of next year and the year after that. I am sitting around at the computer most of the snowy day and then I decide that I needed to feed my child and my husband. Some how my brain just fell out of my head. I was so done. We have another storm headed our way for next week as well. Will it ever stop!! Make it stop Bella! Make it stop. I sent grass skirts and coconut bras to Ces and Eric. I told Eric, (sniff sob), he didn't have to wear the bra, but the skirt was a requirement to make the snow go away. Now I fear that I will have to send you and the girls Grass skirts and coconuts bras too. I really... (sniff sob)... I really need for yall to shake and make this dang snow go away!!!!! It's only snow. Can you do that for please????
If you love me do the DANCE!!!!! he he he he he! Okay I have a little cabinfevermeltdown is all LOL!! Love you sweetie. Hope that all is well with you and the girls. Love you Nester

angelique said...

Honestly Bella, this is the most beautiful thing I have seen. It is my Mom with her Grandchildren. You have fully captured her spirit and her love for them. I look at it and weep for my Mom. She is so strong and so lovely and it is horrible to imagine a life of longing for her. I know people have suffered much worse but I am afraid. I just came from getting a picture from the store that my Mom got framed. It was the pencil drawing of you and her with your quote: You have loved me for a million years and I will love you for a million more. She loved it and I showed it to her last week. She was thrilled but she wanted me to bring it back home so she can enjoy it there. I wish I knew that was true. She has been in great pain the last few days and doesn't feel she can go on. She has had another stent put in to open her esophagus. We hope this helps. I will continue to keep you all posted. Your love and the love others who love my Mom is just another amazing gift that she has somehow left us.
Thank you Bella. I will cherish this picture and so will my children. I am printing it for my Mom along with your message. I will read it to her tonight.
Love Angelique

Lori ann said...

Oh dear bella, this is the most beautiful post, your beautiful painting, and your words. I loved reading it, it made my heart happy, not sad at all. Renee would love this too, i am sure of that.
you are such a lovely person.
♥ lori

BT said...

What a wonderful, beautiful picture. So appropriate. Gorgeous Renee. Fly Renee, fly.

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

HEY I use EASERS!!! I have a whole pile by my desk. I just edited the little suckers out is all LOL!!!!! I promise that the next video will be better. Oh the things we find to do on a snowy day. I have to find something else to do cause a bigger storm is promised for Wednesday coming! Pull out your grass skirts ladies and don't forget the coconuts bras. Shake what yo mama gave ya!!! That'll teach that snow storm!!!!! he he he he he! Love you man!

Ces said...

I read Angelique and now my heart weighs a ton but I am imagining our beloved Renee smiling and likely cry from happiness. That is good. That is very good.

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

There is a grass skirt at my blog for you.

Susan said...

Thanks again Bella for stopping by and your generous comments - you are such a wonderful group of women, I feel so priveleged to have been introduced. You are gifted in so many ways! Enjoy your weekend and I'll see you again soon!

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

Be my guest!

Serline said...

Take care of yourself, Bella! We will be here to listen and support you.

Amy C said...

oh Bella you are so incredible with words and with your beautiful, amazing pictures, this is truly touching.

Ces said...

I realize I could not get into the building because...guess what?!!! I also left my ID badge somewhere. It is my key to the building and my floor. So I have to wait on Monday. Hula oooka oooka chimichangga!

Marie S said...

We are blessed aren't we Bella?
Some days it just seems a little backwards is all. I feel so grateful to have had the time and nights of pure silliness with all of you before you came back here.
I would love to do that again. I had so much fun. I appreciate you all accepting me in.
I had a hell of a time trying to keep up with all of the craziness and loved every minute of it.
I love you too Bella.

Raluca C said...

my heart is melted completly and i have teaars in my eyes seeing the sweet image you create
and the words you wrote...
Such a beautiful and precious tribute to Renne...

Silke said...

Dearest Bella, your comment on my blog this morning about how I painted the hose made me laugh out loud! OMG, there's a future subject for a painting... :-) Hope you are doing well!! Love, Silke (the excellent hose painter)

Amalia K said...

Sweet, sweet Bella, your messages were such a breeze to my sucky, sucky day! I wish I could transform myself into a tiny elf and hide in a box up in the attic where no one could find me...

Linda Sue said...

Beautiful Bella- I've been on the outskirts, Renee emailed me after hearing about your husband, and told me to get on the spirit support bandwagon- I said - ok, but I am not changing any flats...Renee insisted on driving. So, dear one, you are always in my thoughts though I am so self absorbed and limited, that I don't comment much nor do i get around on a daily basis- always keeping tabs on y'all
- I suggest you be the driver since Renee is busy with other worldly things at the moment.(damn).LOVE- your drawing is soooo sweet and amazingly accurate!

Susan said...

Thanks so much for your visit and lovely comments Bella, love your imagery! I've heard a lot lately about those copic markers, let me know how they work for ya! Until the next post....Susan

Nina Crittenden said...

Thinking of you and your friend. Take care.

tera said...

What a sweet and perfect drawing.

yoborobo said...

Bella - I came back to visit your sweet drawing of Renee and her grandbabies, and I saw Angelique's post. It is so hard to think of our dear one in such pain. I know your drawing is going to bring a big smile to her face, and to her heart. xox Pam

Ces said...

Good morning beautiful! It's Monday and tomorrow is Tuesday. Life goes on and it offers so much. I love you. Have a wonderful day my dearest Bella. Tsup!

Faruffa said...

a great tribute Bella!!!

Manon Doyle said...

What a beautiful piece and touching words, Bella! I've also known Renee for a short time but what a time it was. I love her dearly and I pray for her peace.

Loved your post to her!!

❦TattingChic said...

This is such a lovely tribute to your sweet and loving friend Renee! What lovely words and what an adorable illustration! You have amazing talent, my friend! From the sounds of it you are very lucky to have Renee for a friend and She is also very lucky to have you for a friend. I am also lucky to count you amongst my friends as well, Bella Sinclair! :)
(((Hugs))),
~TattingChic ♥

Marie S said...

Thank you Bella for the comfort you bring my heart!
I miss our Renee. I love her. I don't want her to suffer though.

I would love to run around crazy again.
In Renee's honor we will do that.
Thank you for coming over, you made my day Bella.
I love you my dear!
Be well and I will see you soon.

Ribbon said...

Bella you are so beautiful as your name says.

I miss Renee too and a day doesn't pass that I am not grateful for all that she shared with me.

love to you
Ribbon

caren said...

I have big tears in my eyes. I don't know Renee but she must have been a wonderful person if she was your friend. Such a beautiful post and such a charming picture. I'm sure she is smiling at you from heaven.

Megan Coyle said...

Hope you are doing okay - this is such a beautiful post.

thewillowsnest said...

Hey Bella.. your comments are always so spot on.. there is never any generic 'awesome' or 'this is great' from you!

I so appreciate all your visits and for your kind words regarding my sacred doggie friend leaving me here on this planet without her :(

I hope life is starting to make a tiny bit of sense for you after the loss of your dear friend.. big hugs.. Helen

Jack Foster said...

Hey Bella! Such a wonderfully warm, loving and touching tribute to your loving friend. Got me choked up. I was just at heavenlyhumor.blogspot.com... must be an angel theme going on. Your illustration is beautiful and love-filled. God bless you and your loved ones Bella.

Lori ann said...

Bella, you are such a lovely person. I want to thank you for warming my heart in such a personal way, all your words, here and at my place are so touching and so very sweet. I didn't know yellow was her favorite. It's mine too.
You are so right about her bringing us together, I am grateful and honored to know you.
Will you open an Etsy shop and please start selling your exquisite prints? You might dontate some of the proceeds towards Breast Cancer Research, it's what I do, here, you can see my shop if you like, it's lindylove. I named it for my sister who fought B.C. It has to be eliminated. HAS TO.
love to you,
lori

Vanessa Brantley Newton said...

Bella!!!! your dancing did the trick! YEAH!!! No snow only a few little delightful Flurries was all. Thank you for shaking your groove thang! I think it was the extra shake of the boobage was the thing that did it!!! Amazing girl. Okay you can hang your coconut bra up for a minute or two. Keep it close by just in case he he he! I love you so much!

Ces said...

It warms my heart and soothes my battered brain to read all these lovely comments about Renee and then about your loving and beautiful soul Bella Sinclair. You are indeed one of the brightest among life's stars! Have a lovely day darling.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

Bella, leave it to you to create an image of Renee's words and thoughts...it feels light and airy and filled with love and I hope Renee feels a little of that right now...it uplifted me!

jacquie said...

ces
i love all of your artwork with renee, especially the one of renee,josephine and domenic all with their wings to take flight...i also loved that post of renee's where she talked about flying in the yard with josephine and your image is just what renee would have conjored up....you have beautiful artwork. thank you for helping keep renee's memories alive. can't sleep thinking of renee...
love jacquie

jacquie said...

the artwork was by bella and not ces, sorry ladies, i guess i was thinking of you both and you both have amazing talent. confused as i was thinking of renee when i posted the previous comment.
love to you both
jacquie

angelique said...

Hi Bella,
I hope you don't mind, but I was going to use this picture for a birthday entry for Josephine. Your drawing is perfect and everytime I look at it, I see the love and enthusiasm my kids are missing. You have completely portrayed my Mom here and I know this picture would be one of her favourite things.

I also wanted to thank you for your comments to me. I have kept them and I read them to myself when I really feel horrible and everytime, they make me cry and then they make me feel a bit better. Somehow, you and Ces really know what to say and I see why my Mom was so drawn to you both... such wisdom, so caring. I lie in bed every night thinking about writing back to you but I lack the eloquence and wisdom to come up with something good enough to express my gratitude in you for sharing a bit of yourself and for helping in this crappy time.

I hope all is wonderful with you and you manage to enjoy and love your kids everyday. I don't know how you do it. I usually feel like my life with my kids has become like that of a solo traveller wishing to share in moments with someone else. I am enjoying myself as much as I can but there was nothing like sharing in the joys with my Mom (does this make any sense?). I hope that feeling goes away at some point so that I can learn to enjoy things fully rather than thinking of what my kids are missing or what I am missing or what my Mom is missing.
Take care Bella.

Dusik said...

Bella! i can't believe this.. what happened????

i didn't know, i still don't know